occidentalOtaku [Chad] joined chat.
golgothasTerror [GT] joined chat.
Chad: Hi there.
Chad: How are you doing today?
GT: Not so great but its nothing to be concerned about. What about you?
Chad: Oh, sorry to hear. I'm decent! Just trying to explore dream bubbles some more.
GT: Sounds rather exciting!
Chad: I guess! It can be very boring though.
GT: Oh? How can something sounding so grand be boring and plain?
Chad: It's just very empty.
I mean, I don't know much of the memories associated out here with people and not a lot of people are around to talk to.
GT: Gosh wish i could help but i got my own problems you know? And im kind of drowning in troubles at the moment!
Chad: Oh geeze! What's wrong?
GT: I dont really want to get into it….
Chad: Fair enough. I hope it all works out though.
GT: I hope so too.
Chad: I'm sure it will!
GT: I just want to take it all back you know? I mean i made a horrid mistake and wish i could fix it all. Just hoping that i could mend it like that. I dont want the subject to be about me but i really just want someone to splurge all this too. You dont mind right?
Chad: Yeah go ahead!
Chad: I mean. Dead men tell no tales, so your secrets are safe with me.
GT: I made the worst mistake anyone could ever make. But i dont think i could ever fix it i really just want someway to go back and stop it from ever happening stopping all my mistakes every single time and maybe fix how i felt about the situation at that split second. I was hopelessly ignorant and i dont think i could fix that about me at all. I ruined more than one persons life and at that time i didnt even know. I hope this doesnt sound like too much too you.
Chad: @_@ Oh geeze… Sounds rough… I mean, probably a Hero of Time Player can help you but… Hey everyone makes mistakes in their life.
Chad: It's all about overcoming them and showing how you changed!
GT: I just find myself always ruining something and its always after the terrible effect has already happened. I want to change i truly do and if i could tell this to him i would! But i know he probably has a grudge on me now and i cant seem to fix it. He probably hates my guts because i hit him where it hurts and i was too blind to realize it. God im a hopeless fool. I really just want to change it all from the very moment this whole thing started.
Chad: Hm. Well sometimes you just can't do redos. But it is there to show you and remind you what to focus on as you grow older. I dunno what you did to this guy but after time passes his anger and hurt will lessen.
GT: Hopefully it does but i dont think he could ever forgive me for what i did. I ruined his life and i cant change it its like a stain that can never be washed almost. After you try and try to fix it you finally realize you cant do anything about it. But after a while you learn to deal with such a hard stain but i dont know when that time will come for me. I am just a hopeless fool a fool who ruined everyone.
Chad: Hey, no one's a fool forever! We all start out being naive and foolish when we're young. Heck, I was a dumbass half the time I was alive! But we CHANGE and learn. Everyone has the power to grow past their mistakes. I mean, you'll be a lot more careful now that this happened, wouldn't you?
GT: I can try but i really dont think i could ever move on.. What i did was just so terrible and i cant change it. If i could change anything about me that very moment too the very last second. The only time im not destroying someone or something is when im alone! Something is not right with me huh? I should just die thats the punishment i deserve and i know i cant change anything about it. Its a horrid destiny and i know it. Im just a shot in the dark not knowing what to do or what path to take. I know that im just getting sympathy but i truly did love him but im not sure if he still loves me back. I ruined everything and im just scarring myself and i know that those mistakes will never fully heal.
Chad: Don't say that! You have to hope. Never think you deserve to die. Even if you were really an "idiot" and made mistakes, it ISN'T the end. You have to believe that.
GT: Believing that? I cant… Im just a disease that everyone gets involved in. Every problem… Every single thing ive done… I really did love him i truly did and if i could tell him i would say it more than he could ever believe. I just… Im terrible.
Oh, come on… You aren't a disease.
GT: Im terrible im worthless i dont need all these things. All these wonderful things people do for me i dont deserve it! I really just… If i could say one last thing to him it would be im sorry and i know the possibility of him forgiving me would almost nothing. I cant do anything right and i know being myself is a terrible mistake being my own self… I would have been better off acting like someone im not. I wouldnt have ruined anything… I cant juggle all these things and i think it would be better if hed move on without me. Im blind to all my mistakes and i cant do anything right. Im a doomed individual and i know its the truth.
Chad: I-I know it sounds hopeless when you put it like all that but you're just really upset about it all right now… Give it time, honestly! Everything works out. It always does. TALK to him when you finally can.
Chad: Show him how you feel!
GT: He would ignore every word i say and i know he would im sure of it! I… I cant do anything when put under pressure and i know he doesnt function under a spotlight either. God why is everything wrong with me… I would show him how i feel but… I know it wouldnt end very well nothing i do ends well.
Chad: Then write it down… you don;t have to panic that way.
GT: Alright then.. I guess i could but if he threw it away i wouldnt be surprised. Ill give it a shot.
GT: Im sorry for troubling you i really am but if you see dirk or someone with the handle *timaeusTestified* please tell him im sorry for everything and i was terrible. Just can you sum up everything i said to him?
GT: Thanks im glad i could let this all youre a wonderful person.
golgothasTerror [GT] disconnected.
Im sick and im supposed to sleep shhhhh